June 19, 2008
A bloke in Europe
You only eat in restaurant-chains, which start with Čili
You put ketchup on your pizza and think that's the way Italians do it
Half of your friends disappear to work in the British Isles or Scandinavia or the United States and you think that's normal
You have become tired of explaining to your friends and relatives at home, that you are a.) not in Latvia b.) not in Russia and c.) Riga isn't the capital of the Baltic
With a meal you drink either beer or tea
Basketball has become the most important thing in your life
There is only one beer for you: Švyturys Extra
Half of the population working as "managers" seems reasonable to you
Tall blonde beauties in short skirts are nothing special for you anymore
During winter, instead of looking for a thermostat to adjust the temperature in your room, you just open the window
You learned everything about the glorious Lithuanian language, and now you get angry about ignorant people denying the existence of a Lithuanian language or, worse, consider it some branch of Slavic languages
You've learned the hard way that a triangle means women's toilet and a triangle upside down means men's
During a long night of partying you went out pissing in the cold streets because there was only one unisex toilet in the whole pub
You think drunkards shouting at you in Russian are a normal part of life
When you enter a bus and there is no strange smell you think there's something wrong
Buses without antennae seem awkward to you
Anything goes wrong you blame the Russians, or the Polish or the rest of the world
You think hot chocolate means melted chocolate and you love it
You see someone smiling in public, you think: well, a bloody foreigner
A meal for you must contain either potato or meat, but usually both
You start leaving out the articles, even in English and your native language
You become scared meeting big old babushkas in furs, because they trample down everything in their way
You are afraid crossing a street, especially at zebra crossings or traffic lights
You feel guilty entering a flat wearing your shoes
You consider cranberry the best flavor for water, juice and vodka
You think beer is a soft drink not an alcoholic beverage, only vodka is
Going to the opera, the concert hall or the theatre is just a usual thing to do in the evenings
Forenames like Christmas' tree, mermaid, amber or wind seem normal to you
Everything 50m above sea-level seems like a mountain
You start counting the ground floor as first floor
Someone, you haven't known for more than three years, talks to you, you try to get rid of him as soon as possible
You got a one centimeter haircut, bought a fake leather jacket and a black cap (if you are male) OR: you bought a skirt at the size of a belt and don't leave the house without tons of make-up (if you are female)
You consider smoked pig's ears a tasty beer snack
You love the Baltic Sea and go swimming there at nearly any temperature
You love going to the Sauna, but always leave your trunks/bikini on
For you, garlic has become an ingredient just like salt or pepper
You consider Lithuania the best and worst place on earth at the same time
You teach everybody that in medieval times the Lithuanian Duchy ranged from the Baltic to the Black Sea
You put an "as", "a" or "is" at the end of foreign names, so you can conjugate them
You carry around five cell phones and several cards from eight different phone-companies, so that you always get the best price.
You consider fastening your seatbelt a sign of weakness and are not surprised if a car hasn't seatbelts at all.
In your eyes Coca Cola is the unhealthiest drink in the world and that drinking lots of beer, sugary juice and bread drink prolongs your life
You haven't seen a bright sky for months and you don't miss it anymore
You consider rain the normality and sunshine a special weather phenomenon
Thanks, Laima!
